stupid ads again, and this is the LAST post till O’s end

I just had to rant about the release of a second manifestation of Allswell’s advertising atrocities. 

If you the reader stretches your memory back a week or two, you might have at any point in time seen an ad by the aforementioned company either at home, at someone else’s residence, on the bus etc. That ad featured a hen-pecked and hapless husband and an undescribable wife who reasoned that her spouse had to drink juice because she loved him.

Guess what, in the second version of the ad THE KOPI MAN TAKES A SHIT ON CONVENTION AND DECLARES HIS ADORATION FOR THE HENPECKED HUSBAND. Were that not enough visual and aural murder, the wife went on to giggle in a way that made me want to smash the screen and ring up Allswell and tell their commercial sector to straighten up. What now, is Allswell promoting gay relations alongside their (probably shitty) drinks? 

I took the time off my study schedule to devise a pain-meter, a benchmark to measure the amount of torture one is being subjected to. Here goes, with 0 being no pain at all to 10 being eternal pain:

0 – Sleeping, breathing, blinking, thinking
3 – Getting slapped on the cheek
5 – Getting trodden on by a herd of rhinos
8 – Loss of loved one
9.2 – Skinning yourself and leaving your skinless self in a hot oven
9.9 – Listening to Jonas Brothers music
10 – Watching a full-length Allswell commercial.

Yes, that represents ETERNAL PAIN. It’ll haunt you aeons after your mortal body dies. Your soul will remember and forever be scarred by such an incident. It’s like rape, except much worse.

 

Oh and on another note, I’ve more or less readied myself for the onslaught of dead trees and black ink that will resume come Monday. The Chemistry Key Points book has been a wonderful read-and-digest tool; I mowed through the little thing like a tractor. I think I finished revising all twenty-odd chapters in a matter of four effective hours.

And if results in past years’ O level papers are anything to go by… I’ll ace this O’s, baby.

Six points, here I come. I WILL GET YOU (and perhaps, rape you like had been done me by an Allswell commercial).

Tagged?

 

 

Tagged by Shahadan, under the condition that the tagged person ‘cannot refuse’ to take the quiz. Being the rule-defying bugger that I am, here goes: I refuse, bitch. So anyway… 

The quiz is 100 questions long, and following standard practice I do not tag anyone.

 

1.) What have you been doing recently?
Studying, exercising, sleeping, eating, playing guitar

2.) Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
Yes

3.) What happened at 10.00am yesterday?
I woke up

4.) When did you last cry?
I forget

5.) Believe in fate/destiny?
As much as I believe in donkeys anal-raping hyacinth macaws.

6.) What do you want in your life right now?
Happiness, brought about by having (as well as getting rid of) a lot of stuff, whether material or immaterial

7.) Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
I brave the rain like any decent man would

8.) What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
Pillows, blanket, myself

9.) What bottom are you wearing now?
Grey shorts

10.) Whats the nicest thing in your inbox?
Can’t say for sure
11.) Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
Never been in any meaningful or significant relationship as of yet

12.) Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
No

13.) What was the last movie you caught?
WallE, kickass movie

14.) What are you proud of?
Lots of things

15.) What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
“Good night”

16.) What was the last song you sang out loud?
Fell On Black Days by Soundgarden

17.) Do you have any nicknames?
Jing, Jingy, En

18.) What does your last received text message say?
“Okay I’m coming”

19.) What time did you go to bed last night?
Approximately 11.30 pm

20.) Are you currently happy?
Expect me to be happy while thinking of O levels? No chance

21.) Who gives you best advice?
A lot of people, and I’m grateful for that. (Kasi, my elder sister, Mark, Priscilla etc)

22.) Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
No

23.) Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
No one, I seldom have meaningful phone conversations

24.) Is anything bugging you right now?
The aforementioned O levels

25.) What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
Myself

26.) Do you wear toe socks?
No, they’re hideous

27.) Who was the last person you missed a call from?
My mother

28.) Have you ever had your heartbroken?
No

29.) What annoys you most in a person?
Hypocrisy, favouritism, two-facedness, insincerity

30.) Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yes

31.) Have you ever done cocaine?
No

32.) What is the colour of your room?
The walls are white, the floor is brown

33.) Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
Hell yeah

34.) Do you believe in the saying: ‘talk is cheap’?
Strongly

35.) Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
Me

36.) Who was the last person to hug you?
I can’t remember

37.) Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
What the?!

38.) Do you have a life?
I had one, and will have one after 12 November 2008

39.) Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn’t die?
No

40.) What is the reason behind your profile song?
I have no profile song

41.) Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
A friend

42.) Last time you smiled?
Minutes ago

43.) Have you changed this year?
Clothes? Yes. Character? Yes. Beliefs? No.

44.) What are you listening to right now?
Walk by Pantera

45.) Are you talking to someone when doing this?
No

46.) Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
Both

47.) Is there a quote you live by?
“When something sucks, make it suck real hard say I” – Tay Jing En

48.) Do you want someone you cannot have?
Yes

49.) Have you ever played an instrument?
Flute, guitar, some saxophone

50.) What was the worst idea you’ve had in this week?
Studying for hours on end. In the immediate- to short- term, it sucks balls.

51.) What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
Listening to music

52.) Are you happy with your love life right now?
I sort of wish I had one

53.) What song best describes your love life?
Master of Puppets by Metallica. Yes, there’s no link.

54.) Does the person know that you like him/her?
Probably not

55.) Who always makes you laugh?
Myself, Justin Du, anyone who can come up with a sick joke or funny video

56.) Do you speak any other language other than English?
Some Mandarin

57.) Favourite website?

http://www.upthyass.wordpress.com
58.) Whats your middle name?
None

59.) What are you doing tomorrow?
Sleep, eat, shower, STUDY, play guitar

60.) What do you think you are like?
Anything that’s genuinely funny.

61.) Who will you choose to die with?
My crush in my arms

62.) Where have you been today?
Home, Kasi’s house

63.) What game do you play often?
Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 on my PSP

64.) Who are you missing right now?
My father

65.) If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose?
In most cases, love.

66.) What are you doing right now?
This stupid quiz

67.) Which primary are you from?
Ghim Moh Primary, 1999-2001. Henry Park Primary, 2002-2004.

68.) Name 3 colours that you like?
Red, blue, black

69.) What emotion do you like to show?
Sheer mirth

70.) What is your life to you?
Invaluable

71.) If you have something troubling you, what do you do?
Talk to someone, listen to music, play guitar

72.) Who did you last chat in MSN today?
Haven’t had an MSN conversation as of yet today.

73.) Who do you admire most?
John Petrucci, Cristiano Ronaldo, Freddie Mercury, a lot more

74.) Which month are you born in?
December

75.) How are you feeling right now?
Emotionless

76.) What is the time right now?
10.35am

77.) What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
SHAHADAN – generally nice and funny, fairly weird, disproportionately skinny

78.) What colour did you use to dye your hair?
Never dyed my hair, gawd

79.) Why are you doing this test?
Why are you such a fuck-head, question-asker? Why do birds fly? Why is slicing one’s dick open less painful than listening to Jonas Brothers music?

80.) What do you do when you’re moody?
Listen to music, play guitar, stone

81.) At which age do you wish to get married?
Mid-twenties to early thirties

82.) Who is more important to you? Girlfriends/Boyfriends or friends?
No girlfriend/boyfriend, so friends

83.) If today is the last day of your life, what will YOU DO?
Tell the person I like that I like her, eat a lot of food, kill everyone I hate, run around the streets of Singapore playing guitar, tell God I’m sorry for being a piss-face, play soccer and basketball, tell my friends that it was nice meeting them, piss my siblings off one last time, call my father and talk with him.

84.) Who is the person you trust the most?
Myself

85.) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after rain?
Nonchalant about this

86.) If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Getting to know better, love, and marry the person I like. Be a rock star AND footballer AND prime minister AND chef. Get a trillion dollars per month starting now.

87.) What is your goal for this year?
O levels – 6 points without compromises. My prelims and mid-years were way below expectations.

88.) Do you believe in eternal love?
No

89.) What feeling do you love the most?
The ecstasy that comes with winning, especially if it’s a team effort (e.g. SYF 2007, SIBF semis 2008, Inter-class soccer 2007)

90.) Do you think its Global Warming right now?
Yes

91.) What feeling do you hate the most?
Unmerited irritability

92.) Do you cherish every single friendship you have?
“Every”? No, because most is not all.

93.) Do you believe in God?
Yes

94.) Who cares for you most?

Myself

95.) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Building, maintaining and strengthening relationships with people. Maximising whatever potential I might have.

96.) What will you bring when you fight?
A gun and a kitchen knife, and my guitar

97.) What have you regretted doing in your whole life?
No idea

98.) What would you feel if no one longer cared for you?
Empty and worthless

99.) What if your stead two-timed you?
Plant my kneecap firmly in her face and watch her disintegrate. Or confront her. I can’t decide.

100.) How do you feel right now?

Angry that questions repeat themselves.

 

That’s it.

first of the month

Thought I’d squeeze in a fairly substantial post for this calendar month.

The practical exams are mere days away, but they shouldn’t be too much of a bother. I’ve been studying a lot more than I usually do these past days; I hope the effort pays off, seeing as I actually learnt new things while studying. Guess the curriculum time I pissed away through snoozing in class can after all be returned to me, by myself. 

I’m growing more tired each day of the crap on television. While I’m not the biggest idiot-box addict there is, I do watch a fair amount of television. The programs I watch, I select. The advertisements in between, I have no control over. And the adverts are, to say the least, puke-inducing. Other than the endless Camp Rock and Allswell (I finally got the brand name) wastes of air-time, there have been countless FedEx ads involving literal bitches and whatnot. What the hell are the commercial sectors of companies thinking of these days?

I’ve got more stuff to rant about: namely, the mainstream music that has for too long been infiltrating speaker systems and radio stations everywhere. Only a couple of days back did I finally convince my younger sister to delete every single song by the Jonas Brothers off her handphone; prior, she was blasting these songs at full volume everyday. There lies no counter-case or anything: even I, the inconsiderate asshole, do not let the whole house hear the glorious metal music I listen to, though maybe I should. To cut a long story short: I hate mainstream music. “Don’t like it? Don’t listen to it then!” some will say. Guess what, I make active attempts to avoid all sources of “popular music”, yet somehow or other, one of those bullshit cookie-cutter tunes will fly by me. Someone help.

To end the depressing segment of this post, my guitar has two snapped strings; I’m now down to four, and won’t be getting a re-stringing job done until after my examinations. So for now I am forced to make use of a bass guitar of sorts, except much lighter and one octave higher.

Now comes the happier part, because I like to end things on a positive note. I, after a few days of trying, have found a feasible, paper-conserving way to force facts and concepts into my brain: acronyms! While the usage of such a device may seem tacky to some, its power as a memorisation tool is limitless. Instead of regurgitating chunks of words, I throw up single letters, and then force myself to make sense of these letters. As the Chinese would say: One raise, two gain!

The Chinese, too, would say: Study work improve. See you, ass wipes.